Haunted Heart

I am used
to the asininity

but what hurts
are not the refusals
or those legs
or brushed teeth in the morning

it is the lame excuses
for sleeping around
and the constant need of the other
to defend their ego
amid decisions
that aren't really in anybody's best interest.

it used to be exciting
back in high school and college,
that game of who likes who
but now it makes me sick
because the liking comes
before the living
which is often between
two very different people
observing two very different worlds
and to accomodate this split in perspective
usually there are gifts and fights
and break ups and arguments,
so it really is enough.

i don't care so much about it like i used to
i am just adding these small scrawlings of argument
to prevent love between people who think that
Valentine's Day is a really great idea
when you can do that stuff anytime, har har har

to be honest
what weirds me out
are the number of shipwrecks i have seen
and i don't mean the men or the women
but more the insistance on poor logic and whim
when it comes to matters of the spoiled heart.

if love were an organ
it would be the liver,
filtering all that abuse
as though from bender after bender
leaving only sieves in cleared out bombed apartment buildings
after somebody decided that they found themselves again
but not in the eyes of the other
and it is almost an attack
to be sure
and the worst of it is
in my life
i no longer feel that love is a possibility or a thing
but just a word between two pigs
who have no humility
when it comes to their lives.