observations

something about pennies in the pocket
make this world feel
a little colder,
but like I ever thought that the experience of modern life would be luminous
even as a child.

these days
i would prefer to talk in person
to anyone
but this has proven difficult if not impossible
because i am usually boiling over some thinly veiled lie
about my economic worth
while they are cavorting
in some store bought style
through the insanity of their actions
and i hate to be rude,
so there.

i already told someone that i was an outlaw
this is not true
based in the plain fact
that i am still living

if i really were
i'd have a lock literally on my heart

and i would leave it closed to insanity

like every other criminal i have met

and honestly
i can't take the illnesses of others very well
when some of them were their fault and stupidity,
like someone cutting down on their alcohol consumption
to become a hardcore drug user
before
telling people that they hate alcohol
because I'm sorry
that seems like half the idiots
that I know here in the mountains
and given that opportunity
I might begin to interrogate them
about what was so bad about a glass of wine
that they had to come to work with a bleeding nose
on top of general insanity
that isn't recognized
by other rapists of the human spirit.

one of these days
when i am somewhere
i will really write

and i mean that honestly
because it makes me want to tear up my internet papers
that and horribly.

there was some thing i dated in LA
i had to get tested for AIDS
it would only do things out in the world
for Adderall, heroin, and pot.
i still remember all the horrible aggrivation and crying
when the notification clicked
that this was not a human being at all
but more like a bleeding Dr. Seuss character
that I couldn't help
so I probably said something like :Scrambled Eggs Super!"
as a parting gesture
and to be frank
the older I get
the more I understand
just what a horrible disease it is,
all this addiction and drugs and hatred and coniving
on top of the foundations of human waste.

one of these days when i am warm
and not shivering from literal lack of heat
i will write something sweet,
and not to be perverse
but i have already
and that i love
but their abuse has to quit (the others who are not so dear)
because they are destroying a large part
of what I found beautiful.

when i walk down the street with ugly pennies
i get dour
when i see non beautiful people zonked
in their pricey cars
going home to prescriptions
and illegal gambits
honestly i am sick, and horribly
but when they cut open my neck in an operation
i refused all their fucking pain medicine
and found myself sudeenly thankful
for whatever that was
being that i don't do it for fun
with the side effect being a fucked up and aggitated personality
when you can't feel that false bliss of nothingness
acting from a white lozenge.

that and i'm lazy.
i quit going to the supermarkets for about two years
i just let other people bring me food if they want
and it is really just a laugh riot
all the microwavable burritos
and bacon packages pile up
and i found that i am impartial to being a pig
because who am i trying to impress anymore,
some girl
who steals money
just to zombify in front of a soap opera?

I'd rather date a flying monkey.

My last oberservation is that I am pissed as hell
for being lied to
about being able to have what others stole at the drop of a hat
and really what makes me sick about this America
is just that nobody respects its Founding Laws
because I have never seen the Bill of Rights
do anything for anybody
myself included