For M

You said to me once
that you were the best friend I ever had
and it turned something inside of me
against all that I hate
but the difficulty was
that after you said that
I figured I had nailed something essential
and became a snob for friendship
instead of just stopping
and accepting you into my life.

Why start at the bottom?
It's like writing a poem
from the bottom up
and I get quesey from the realization
that after you said that
that I could have no other friend
without realizing the rational functionalism
of having friends
instead of just caring for you
and laughing.

I don't think I can spread your love
through other people any longer,
it takes too much time and anger
and their joy is not your joy
so I said it

And not to be awful
but I really want to know you
for the rest of my life
and not in the admonitions
of people who say that as an endearing remark
meant to garner some sort of friendship political advantage
because I once had people attacking me
because of the movements of their social circles.

I detested parties when you were around
because I pretended to be interested in other events,
sometimes
just to get your attention
so you would be proud of me
if you heard me speak in passing
until I felt that the best person I could be
is still based in the flows and loving
of all that you cared and care about,
I just really
want us to make it out of this
and I don't mean our relationship
but just the dumb teasing notion
that we are stuck in someone else's life
that isn't shared,
romantically or whatever it is they say
(I even love that you know what Romantic means
in the sense of the original usage of the word
not to mention how you know about it as an art movement
and I remember when you tried to apply it
as a philosophy for life
but got befuddled by those demons called people).

You never lied to me, you
and for that I can proudly say
that us knowing each other is deeper than a lie
of which I care about immensely.